How to Reframe and Refocus Your Thoughts After a Divorce

By Dorothy Fournier posted 04-06-2021 09:52 PM


A divorce is the death of a marriage. As with any death, it should be mourned sufficiently to gain closure. However, when you are in the thick of the devastation the end of a marriage brings, it is hard to believe that your life is not ending. 

However, most people who have experienced a divorce and the hopelessness that accompanies it will tell you that it gets better. Here are some tips from people who have been through it and how they got to the other side:


Take enough time to grieve the end of your marriage. It is natural to look back and wonder where things went wrong and what you could have done differently. You might feel resentful, bitter, or guilty.

During counselling Vernon residents can rely on Interactive Counselling to help them work through the grief stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage brings you one step closer to closure. There is no fixed timeline to follow when grieving, but a therapist will guide you and ensure that you do not become ‘stuck’ in one of them.

Use your support network

When you have had your entire future ripped out from under you, a support network of friends, colleagues, and family members is essential. You do not need to tell everyone what is happening as this is your story to share. However, do not keep this challenging situation to yourself. Lean on those closest to you.

Whether it is inviting a friend over so you can cry on their shoulder or a family member to look after your children for a few hours so you can get some alone time, do not see asking for help as a weakness. Join a support group for divorced people so you can talk to people who understand your pain. 

Rebuild your life

Many people are left financially unstable after a divorce. This uncertainty can drive anxiety and other negative feelings. Therefore, tackle it head-on and rebuild a life for yourself. Get back on your feet and create a life where you live within your means and find ways to feel happier. 

A divorce is a time of change and could be an ideal time to make other adjustments to your life. Consider online learning to improve your current qualifications and chances of promotion. Alternatively, move into a completely new career field and pursue a dream you might have put on hold during your marriage.

Embrace your new normal

This is a chance for you to do things your way. Therefore, if you want to rearrange the living room furniture, do it. When you start viewing your divorce as emancipation instead of punishment, your negative mindset starts shifting toward more positive thoughts. Be kind and patient with yourself as you recover from the heartache your divorce caused.

It is natural to feel like a failure and judged by others because of the divorce. However, it took two to fail at marriage, and other people’s opinions mean little in the greater scheme of things. Look ahead and do not allow such thoughts to distract you from your goal of moving forward.

Take it slowly

An opportunity to enter a new relationship might present itself. Be open to such possibilities but do not rush into anything. You deserve to be loved, although this might entail kissing a few frogs before finding your Prince or Princess Charming.

Treat dating as a new experience to be savored and enjoyed. Even though you might not believe it right now, things will get better, and you can build a new future for yourself, whether alone or with a new partner.